Father’s Day is this Sunday.
My dad passed away in 2013. He was never around during my childhood years. My parents divorced when I was 5 years old. Many children have extremely fond and close memories with their dad. Sadly, in fact very sadly, many do not.
My Memories
My memories are for the most part neutral- if you can believe that! Yet these memories are surrounded with a great deal of respect, compassion and understanding. I loved my dad, I loved his rich resonating voice. We just never had much time together.
Emotional Pain
My dad, as well as my mom had a lot of pain inside of them when they met and had children. This pain resulted in my dad living an isolated, lonely and later an alcoholic life.
Take the First Step.. Trust Your Questions and their Source
I learned many years ago from a very wise beloved man and author, to trust your questions and to ask your questions. When I was 39, a new dad of two myself, I wrote a letter to my dad. I asked him 15 questions that I didn’t know the answer to. Of course, this was a way for me to reach out to him and to connect with him. It was also an important step for me to get some answers and to have a bit of closure.
My Purpose
My purpose in sharing this to point out an example and the power of reaching out to attempt to connect as well as to show the importance of asking deep honest questions in a sincere and gentle way. In addition, for you dads with young children, your role as a dad is a great gift for you as well as your son. This role has life long and beyond… ramifications.
The Letter to Dad
I don’t have the actual letter that I sent but I do have my dad’s response which included my questions. What follows today are my 15 questions. I will post my dad’s response on Sunday.
Dear Dad,
1. Why haven’t you ever come around?
2. Why don’t you reach out?
3. Why did you even come to the Baptism or any other occasion the past few years?
4. Once you heard we were pregnant (my wife and I) why did you not call and congratulate us rather than waiting for me to call you?
5. On neutral holidays why am I the one that calls you?
6. Why don’t you see your only grandson more often that will carry on our family name?
7. Why don’t you have a relationship with my son?
8. Why don’t we have a relationship?
9. Why don’t you have a relationship with my sister, her children and my brother?
10. Why do you appear hesitant and full of fear?
11. Why did you decline my recent invitation for breakfast?
12. When you come around why do you choose times when mom (my mom) is around?
13. You always for as long as I can remember said that you would take the three of us kids on a fishing trip. It has never happened. Can we?
14. What role, if any does mom (my mom) have in any of the above?
15. What type of relationship do you want?
Love, David